The Invisible Chains: A Deep Dive into Financial Abuse
- Claire Welch
- Dec 8
- 4 min read
In our exploration of coercive control, we've uncovered the silent weapons of emotional and psychological abuse. Now, we turn to one of the most effective traps an abuser can set: financial abuse. Unlike a bruise, these wounds aren't visible, but the chains they create are incredibly real and difficult to break.
As a holistic counsellor, I see financial abuse not just as a matter of money, but as a systematic assault on a person's autonomy, self-worth, and fundamental ability to survive and thrive. It is the calculated engineering of dependence, designed to make leaving feel—and often be—economically impossible.
The core of financial abuse isn't about frugality or even financial stress; it's about power and control. Let's break down the specific tactics abusers use to create this invisible chain.
1. Economic Control: The Purse Strings Are Power
This is the most direct form of financial abuse, where the abuser takes complete control over all financial resources.
What it looks like in practice:
The Absolute Allowance: Jamie works a full-time job, but their partner insists all paychecks be deposited into a joint account they alone control. Jamie is given a small, weekly cash allowance for groceries and essentials and must provide receipts for every dollar spent. Any "unapproved" purchase, like a coffee with a friend, leads to an interrogation.
Seizing Assets: An abuser may forcibly take the victim's inheritance, birthday money, or tax refund, often with a justification like, "It's our money, and I need it for something more important."
Blocking Access: They may simply hide bank cards, refuse to give you the online banking passwords, or even cancel your credit cards without your knowledge.
2. Employment Sabotage: Undermining Your Financial Independence
An abuser knows that your job is your source of independence. Therefore, they will actively work to compromise it.
What it looks like in practice:
The Unreliable Partner: Sam's partner repeatedly creates crises that make Sam late for work or force them to leave early. They might hide car keys, feign a medical emergency, or start a massive argument right before an important meeting.
Forced Quitting: An abuser may demand their partner quit their job, using guilt ("The children need you at home") or threats ("I don't want you working with those people"). They may relocate the family for a "new opportunity," isolating the victim and forcing them out of their career.
Harassment at Work: They might show up unannounced at the workplace, make constant phone calls, or spread damaging rumours to the victim's employer, creating such a hostile environment that the victim is forced to resign.
3. Economic Exploitation: Making You Liable for Their Choices
This tactic involves using the victim's financial identity and resources for the abuser's gain, while leaving the victim with the liability.
What it looks in practice:
Coerced Debt: Maria's partner pressures her to take out a loan or a credit card in her name because his "credit is bad." He makes the first few payments, then stops, leaving Maria with the full debt and a ruined credit score.
The "Bill Black Hole": The abuser agrees to pay certain bills from the shared account but secretly doesn't. The victim only discovers the truth when the power is shut off or the mortgage is in foreclosure, facing both the financial crisis and the shame.
Withholding Necessities: An abuser may refuse to pay for essential needs like medical care, medication, or car repairs, using the lack of these essentials as a form of punishment and control.
The Holistic Impact: More Than Just Money
The damage of financial abuse radiates through every layer of a person's being:
The Mind: It creates intense anxiety, shame, and a devastating feeling of incompetence. Victims often internalize the narrative that they are "bad with money," further eroding their self-esteem.
The Body: The chronic, severe stress can lead to somatic symptoms like insomnia, digestive issues, and high blood pressure. The inability to pay for healthcare can lead to worsening physical conditions.
The Spirit: This form of abuse can crush your sense of agency and hope. It fosters a profound sense of entrapment and despair, making the future look like a dark, inescapable tunnel.
The Path to Financial Liberation: A Holistic Recovery Plan
Healing from financial abuse is a journey of reclaiming your power and your practical autonomy. It requires both internal and external work.
Phase 1: Reclaiming Your Reality & Safety
Name the Abuse: Acknowledge that what you are experiencing is not normal financial disagreement; it is a strategy of control. This validation is the first step to breaking the shame.
Secretly Document: If it is safe to do so, start gathering financial documents. Take photos of bank statements, payslips, and hidden debts. This information is power for future planning.
Seek Confidential Guidance: Contact a domestic violence advocate. They can help you create a safety plan and connect you with financial counselling services that understand the context of abuse.
Phase 2: Rebuilding Your Financial Self
Financial Counselling: A specialist can help you understand your true financial picture, navigate debt, and create a budget for independence. They are a non-judgmental guide through the chaos.
Small Steps to Autonomy: If possible, start small. Open a secret bank account, even if you can only deposit a tiny amount. Sell unused items online for cash. Every small act is a reclamation of your agency.
Re-skill and Re-connect: Update your CV, take a free online course, or quietly reach out to old professional contacts. Rebuilding your employability is key to long-term freedom.
Phase 3: Healing the Inner Wounds
Affirm Your Worth: Your value is not determined by your bank balance. Use affirmations and counselling to rebuild the self-worth the abuse sought to destroy.
Soothe Your Nervous System: Practice grounding techniques to manage the financial trauma stress. This helps you think more clearly and make decisions from a place of calm, not panic.
Visualise Freedom: Allow yourself to dream and plan for a future where you control your own resources and choices. This vision is a powerful motivator and a balm for the spirit.
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